Why only today?

What are your goals for 2010?
What are you thinking about going by 2009?
What do you regreat and what are you happy about?

The typical questions made on the last day of the year. And from the first january we will start next race to achieve more, to have more, to see more....?
Do we?

I'm the part of it and sometimes I would like to stop and ask myself - why, what for, where am I going.....
Sometimes it's happennig for a while and I wonder....
But then "the world" is calling me. Will also 2010 pass as a example of these mechanisms?
We will see....
I am curious to see all new adventures, new emotions and surprises that 2010 will gives me....
But till then, I will celebrate TODAY!!

Happy New Year!
Szczęśliwego Nowego Roku!
Felice Anno Nuovo!

Retreat in Lake Tahoe with Rigpa and Sogyal Rinpoche

For the first time I had pleasure to take part in retreat with Sogyal Ripoche and all retreatants - members of Rigpa USA. It was amazing event for me which changed my life. I met many wonderful people who were so kind, frank, real and compassioned. I really felt, like Sogyal Rinpoche had told, as a part of the big family. I had many interesting conversations about happiness, about our life expectations, about death...
And finally, My first live teaching with My Master who were speaking to me... It was evident..
Very important for me was part about meditation and about our Nature of Mind. I believe that during this teaching I touch my nature of mind and it was so moving.
Now, as I come back to Italy, I try to practice every day, I try to find peace inside me and bring my mind home...

Dziękuje Sogyal Rinpoche.

If you want to see some of His teachings:

And my View on Tahoe Lake

Conclusions and New Chapter

My five month experience in San Diego, California is finishing. The last weekend on the Ocean Beach, last conversation with american friends, lest Zumba class on the beach, last morning view on pelicans flying close to the cliffs, last croissant in OB Donuts, ecc.

And of course unfotgettable professional experience in Family Therapy Institute in El Cajon.

I enlarged my gastronomic experience being in Japanese Steak and Lobster restaurants, Korean, Thai, Greek, Jewish, Mexican of course.
My preferencies are changed.

I add the photo of Balboa Park, seeing from Lilly's Pond.
Museum of Photography, Museum of Art, Botanic Garden, my favourite places

I will come back here one day!!

The New Chapter starts from 1. december 2009 in Modena. Contents of it are unknown.

Doubts we have

Sogyal Rinpoche said: " Our minds are riddled and confused with doubt. I sometimes think that doubt is an even greater block to human evolution than desire and attachment. Our society promotes cleverness instead of wisdom, and celebrates the most superficial, harsh and least useful aspects of our intelligence. We have become so falsely sophisticated and neurotic that we take doubt itself for truth, and the doubt that is nothing more than ego's desperate attempt to defend itself from wisdom is deified as the goal and fruit of true knowledge. (...) destructive forms of doubt leaves us nothing to believe in, nothing to hope for, and nothing to live by.
Our contemporary education, then, indoctrinates us in the glorification of doubt, has creates in fact what could almost be called a religion or theology of doubt, in which to be seen to be intelligent we have to be seen to doubt everything, to always point to what's wrong and rarely to ask what's right or good, cynically to denigrate all inherated spiritual ideals ans philosophies, or anything that is done in simple goodwill or with innocent heart."



Part 2. - page 123 from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Cope with.....

In counselling and therapy very often psychotherapists try to help us coping with stress, with difficult situations, with other problems.
But when we think longer about the verb cope, we have to assume that coping with a problem mean to tolerate it, learn how to deal with it, and not to SOLVE it.
When you cope with problem, on the assumption that the problematic situation is unchangeble and unsoluble, so from the very beginning use loose, you defeat, you don't win.
When we have a problem, we want to solve it. We don't want to tolerate it all our life.
All course, there are situations which are unchangeble, when we can't modify past and change it. For example, the death of someone close. We can't change it, we can't solve "the problem", because there isn't any. Only what we can do, is to change our attitute, our approach to whole situation. We can learn how to cope with our emotions, how to transform them is something positive.
How do you solve the problems and how do you cope with some stressful situations?
In San Diego I know one very good Istitute, where you CAN SOLVE your problems in 10 sessions. Chad Hybarger use brief strategic approach in his Family Therapy Institute in El Cajon (California).
In Italy there are many good private practices with the General Center in Arezzo (Toscany) - Centro di Terapia Strategica.

Meditation

Sogyal Rinpoche said: " When I teach meditation, I often begin by saying:

Bring your mind home. And release. And relax.

Quietly sitting, body still, speech silent, mind at peace, let thoughts and emotions, whatever rise, come and go, without clinging to anything.(...) Imagine a man who comes home after a long, hard day's work in the fields, and sinks into his favorite chair in front of the fire. He has been working all day and he knows that he has achieves what he wanted to achieve; there is nothing more to worry about, nothing left unaccomplished, and he can let go completely of all his cares and concerns, content, simply, to be.

• create the right inner environment of the mind.
• don't question or doubt whether you are in the "correct" state of not.There is no effort, only rich understanding, wakefullness, and unshakable certainty.
• meditation is not something that you can "do", it is something that has to happen spontaneously, only when we have perfected the practice of meditation

The Posture
There is a connection between the posture of the body and the attitude of the mind. Mind and body are interrelated, and meditation arises naturally once your posture and attitude are inspired.

Sit, then, as if you were a mountain, with all the unshakable, steadfast majesty of the mountain. A mountain is completely natural and at ease with itself, however strong the winds that batter it, however thick the dark clouds that swirl around its picks. Sitting like a mountain, let your mind rise and fly and soar.
Keep your back straight, like an arrow, so the prana - the inner energy will flow easily through the subtle channels of the body, and your mind will find its true state of rest.

Part 1. (Fragment from Chapter V-"The Tibetan Book of living and Dying".

Reflections about life and death

I would like to share with You my thoughts related to "The Tibetan Book of Living And Dying".
I focus my attention on some important for me elements and stories, that are part of life.

The birth of the man is the birth of his sorrow. The longer he lives, the more stupid he becomes, because his anxiety to avoid unavoidable death becomes more and more acute. What bitterness! He lives for what is always out of reach! His thirst for survival in the future makes him incapable og living in the present. CHUANG TZU

Let's Sogyal Rinpoche speaks.

Most of us do live like that - we become unconscious, living corpses. We live according to a preordained plan. We spend our youth bein educated. Then we find a job, and meet someone, marry, and have children. We buy a haouse, try to make a succes of our business, aim for dreams like a country house or a second car. We go away on holiday with our friends. We plan for retirement. The biggest dilemmas some of us ever have to face are where to take our next holiday or whom to invite at Christmas. Our lives are monotonous, petty, and repetivive, wasted in the pursuit of the trivial, because we seem to know of nothing better. (...) We smother our secret fears of impermanence by surrounding ourselves with more and more goods, more and more things, more and more comforts, only to find ourselves their slaves. All our time and energy is exhausted simply maintaining them. Our only aim in life soon becomes to keep everything as safe and secure as possible. When changes do happen, we find the quickest remedy, some slick and temporary solution. And so our lives drift on, unless a serious illness or disaster shakes us out of our stupor. (...) Think of those people who work for years and then have to retire, only to find that they don't know what to do with themselves, as they age and approach death. [page 17-18]

Everything the Rinpoche is saying, seems so well known to me.

Tibetan Buddhism

During my six month residence in San Diego I met people from RIGPA - the group who study Tibetan Buddhism. I've never had opportunity to know it better. I also thought that being catholic I should not to practice or try to understand others religions. But buddhism philosophy doesn't force you to leave own religion to switch to another. It makes me calm and peaceful. I really find it interesting and inspiring. "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche is the first position on my list of books to read.

You have to decide....

Many, many years ago I had to decide to buy or new boots for cold winter or jacket for windy days. My family wasn't rich enough to permit to buy both things. But it was many years ago and for me it wasn't any problem. It was reality and ...... I don't remember what I chose.
After 20 long years when finally we live in capitalistic country we theoreticly don't have this kind of problems. Our decisions aren't so cruel and don't base on the physiological, fundamental needs. Now we are able to buy everything what we want and "need". But when we have to decide about our life, the free-market rules doesn't help us. To much possibilities sometimes make us too much confuse then giving us freedom and indipendance.

" All our final decisions are made

in a state of mind

that is not going to last." Marcel Proust

The consequenses of important decisions are inexpectable and unpredictible. We decide in a state of mind which flow and change constantly but the successions remian a real exemplifications of mental processes.

Bordom

Can process of searching for happyness lead us to find the way to the eternal state of felicity. I don't think so. I believe that SEARCHING FOR HAPPYNESS help us to come closer to this mysterious feelings. Being always on the way, walking toward our goals, appasionated by our desires, dreams, ideas give us the new energy to continue the path.

But finally after all the effort when we can rest and enjoy the fact of being in the state of felicity ....we become bored....
boredom....boredom... boredom.... how come??
For most of all, being bored mean maximum of unhappyness. So the happyness can be only the state of constant excitement stimulated by unfinished objectives. Maybe..
Also you, when you try to relax after a hard and long "journey" - feel bored. When we did everything to reach our goals and there's nothing left, only enjoyment... the boredom moves stealthily...

What does it make us more happy?

I'm still discussing with myself about happyness. I try to explain myself that we can't be happy in 100% all our lifes.
There are ONLY a moments which make our life worth to live. One of the things which make me unhappy is exactly fact that the state of eternal felicity DOESN'T EXIST.

So when I finally accept it, I wonder what can give us the sensation of eternal felicity.
Bauman describing the liquid society has noted that in our consumption-oriented reality we are "happy" when we can feel unique, exceptional individual who can reach the state of happyness. Polish philosopher is asking if the sensation of privilige make us "happy". For example, if we are rich enought to buy a new model of Ferrari, we feel so unique, better then others, ecc. But isn't Ferrari only a famous brand of fast italian car? Isn't that the created by the present society brand manipulate our lifes? Why the fact of owning "something special" (for example modern Ipod, seductive perfumes or brand shoes) has to determine our state of mind. Are your happyness in everyday life depends only on the objects you own?
Mine not.

Life as an art

A few days ago I have started readind the newest book of Zygmunt Bauman "The art of life". He is talking about felicity in our modern-liquid world. He asked: "what is wrong with happyness?"
We are happy till we don't loose the hope to be happy in the future. It's so deep and when I repeat this sentence in my mind I really feel happy....




So.. how to keep the hope alive? Bauman suggests that only when we have in front of us a new possibilities, new fast beginnings, the prospective of infinitive chain of beginnings.We have to create a difficult challenges. We have to choose the objectives that are over our present possibilities. We have to try "the impossible". The life is emotional and worked out. Emotional for people who loves adventures. The life is used for people who has weak heart.
At the end Bauman leaves as with question - we have to decide if constraint of searching of happyness in his practical form in our society (consumism' society) - make us really happy?
Why we have to search felicity?
Beeing forced to do (feel) something for me mean not to be free and ugual non to be happy.

G'day mates!

Start Cup Veneto 2009

From last month we are preparing our Business Idea for the competitions the Start Cup Veneto 2009. If you believe that your idea is inventive and creative you can sign up for this. I'm a person who have many ideas in my head and I see the possibilities everywhere. The only problem is that sometimes you don't know where to start. How transform a conception from your mind to the reality. Till now I realised only one idea about fitness classes in my suburb (I have organised aerobic classes for woman from my neighbourhood). I had a lot of satisfaction. I believe that also this time my dreams will come true.
G'day Mates Agata

Friendship

Aristotele said:
Friend is a person who can elicit in the other person what's the best and the most healthy.
Do you have a friend like this?
I do.

Failure as your Friend

Lately I heard about this way of seeing the "failure". Let's reflect for a moment about successful people. Do you think they never fail? Do you think they never make mistakes? NO.
People who reach their target - they try so many times without beeing dissapointed. How? They treat failure as a cue to change something. If this method doesn't work, I have to try something else. And then maybe try again and again. Till I get the answer.
Do you know that Edison had made about one thousend of trials before he found how work light bumb? Isn't it amazing?!
If we perceive "failure or mistake" as a feedback which learn us to change something and maintain us on the same level of motivation (maybe even more - because we have now one trial less to find the clue).
So try to see your new friend - FAILURE, get know him better and dometicate him.
Share your experience with us! G'day mates!

Autoreference

I am descriving this concept in therapeutical background, of course. I think that many of us (psychologists) in our clinical practice doesn't include this aspect in healing process. Autoreference is not only simple observation of our client comunication (verbal and non-verbal). I perceive autoreference as a capacity of being aware of your own observation. This way of perception should new spaces for osservation and new experiences.
In traditional approach we underline the necesity of separation observer (his personality traits, for example) from the reality which hi describe. Mony Elkaim claim that therapist can't separate own personal characteristics from the situation which describe. It seems that there is no escape from this paradox. Therapist experiences a return to his own personal story and to the therapeutic sistem in which this sentiments enhance.
Elkaim proposes : sense and function of personal feelings can become the instruments of analysis and intervention inside of therapeutic sistem.
I'm writing about this because this is so important aspect in clinical practice and I feel a lack of meta autoreference. How to learn to be more autoreferential? Some advises?
G'date mates!

The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams!

I feel that my live is an example of this sentence. I can present many situations that has reinforced my belief. I wanted to live abroad - I live. I was dreaming to travel through Australia - we come back from one -month trip this january. I imagined to have two jobs - ones when you use "the brain", the other when "the body" is your instrument. Now I become psychologist and fitness instructor. I was dreaming to find a love of my life - I found it! And I haven't stopped dreaming! Very often is unrealistic goals, which in this moment seems unreal. But I believe that one day - also they will come true! I wish you the same! G'day mates!

Complex problem can have simple solution?

I was wondering how we can solve the complex problem which patients present? Therapy (or counselling) has to take a long term and lead to deep introspection? I don't think so. I get to know better the strategic approach which try to solve complex human problems with simple solution.
Strategic techniques are focus on:

• how human system build their problems?
• how these problems are maintained in time
• how we can fight them using brief, strategic techniques and foculized interventiong

Look for more information about this approach.
G'day mates!

The focus of attention

My last weeks show me that the process of focus of attention is really working. I was thinking intensively what I want, where I want to be and with who. Then I prepare step by step how to achieve this goals. And I put it in action! But the most surprising fact was that when I focussed only my attention and I visualisate me in new situations I start to see exactly the things which I need. I begin to select from the surrunding environment the indispensable resources. The power of now and the way of concetrate your energy on the positive aims bring outcomes. Try it and share your experience with us!!

Map and territory

In last days I'am reading Mony Elkaim book titled: " If you love me, don't love me". It's very well written and interesting book talking about the family and couple therapy (in sistemic approach).
Through many interesting observations I focused on the meaning of the notions: map and territory. Most of us know it as a base of NLP (neurolinguistic programming). This two definition suggest that exist two realities: our subjective, personal perception of the world and objective reality which is out-of our experiences. We can't divide this two prospectives because the objective one practicaly don't exist. How we can walk out and leave our five senses and see the world objectively? Maybe someone know the answer?
I'm agree with Mony Elkaim who suggest to stop using this two notions, because it's mean that we confirm the existence of this two realities. We should talk about construction of the world which is a marker of our psychological map.
G'day Mates! :)

I'm no expert

Yesterday I participated in a seminar with
prof. Carlos Sluzki http://sluzki.com/ (a Modena organizated by ISCRA) who was a director of MRI in the sixties.
We were talking about the conversation during the therapy as a type of new format story.
One of the arguments which touched me was the fact that the psychologist shouldn't be seen as a expert who solves problems. I'm no expert. The experts are the clients, patients who know everything about themselves and their particular situation.
The role of psychologist is to create a good enough conversation, strategic dialogue during which he will be able to know, understand, feel...
What?....
one of the story with some actors, drama, scenary, etc. But as we know, every family member construct his own story. There is no true story. There are personal stories built on the base of life experience, mental maps, etc. Using better formate story (as a proposed Sluzki) we are able to understand and help our client.
G'day Mate!

The world of work

Very often we try to create good contacts with our colleagues with who we spend most of the day. By talking about work, our personal problems, by sharing news, asking for a help , etc. we construct the network of connections - emotional and professional.
Sometimes instead can happen one small issue which ruin everything. The moment when You have to decide on which part you stay - your colleagues or your boss or yourself .
Ones it has happened to me. I wanted to relieve the true but on the other hand I wanted also to safe my company. I lied for a good reason ( I thought). Now I understand that we have always save our "ass".
Colleagues are only colleagues and boss is a boss. Noone think about your professional situation except you.

It was hard lesson but needed.

Begining

My personal experience show me that the hardest and the most difficult is the beginning. It doesn't matter if we start to learn new languages, initiate a new life with someone who we love or we move to new country..

For me - the beginnings are always the most exciting, give me a new possibilities, unknown perspectives but.... I believe that all profits come from the maintenance of directions which we have taken at the starting point.
The future will show...